We are just a few weeks away (May 23) from what would have been Abigayl's third birthday and the culmination of all the events this month has left me in a wake of drippy eyes and a vast amount of sadness.
I tend to wonder if the approach of these anniversaries and milestones will get any easier. It feels like I will be on a smooth road of how to deal with the loss and pain but, out of nowhere I hit a ginormous pot hole that pulls me in and makes me feel like I'm drowning in a sea of emotion. Thankfully, most of the time I am able to pull myself up after a short cry and continue on with my day. Today on the other hand, I feel as though the water is rising all around me and I can't seem to keep my head above water today.
I think my trigger today was walking by all of the adorable, frilly girl clothes and feeling so bummed that I am so limited in the boys department. It makes me miss the days when I had the sheer joy of getting to dress Abigayl up like my own little baby doll. Though I do enjoy getting to dress Rowynn up, the choices are far more limited than what girls have to chose from.
Stack on top of that the fact that mother's day is right around the corner and though I have the joy of my sweet little man, I also have a huge crevice in my heart where the memory of my sweet baby girl lies. It hits home that I never got to have her in my arms on a mother's day. If that isn't enough, Abigayl's birthday is quickly approaching and isn't helping matters.
I just pray that these types of days get easier.
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